The Secret to Making New Friends as an Adult: Redefining Friendship
When we hear the word friend, most of us picture the kind of bond we had in our twenties — the ride-or-die who knew all our secrets, showed up with wine after a breakup and helped us move apartments armed with nothing but a borrowed truck, a few curse words and the promise of pizza and beer.
Those friendships were deep, messy and constant. They felt like oxygen. And while those people will always hold a piece of our hearts, clinging to that old definition of friendship can actually make it harder to connect later in life.
Because let’s be honest: life after fifty looks different. The calendar’s fuller in some ways and emptier in others. Kids are grown. Partners may or may not still be in the picture. People move. People change. It happens slowly at first… and then one day—bam! You crave real-life buddies and that once-full pool of companions has quietly dwindled down.
When I moved to New York at sixty, I knew no one. My longtime friends were still in my life, but they were scattered across the country — not exactly available for a random Tuesday night drink.
So, I needed a plan. And that meant a shift in mindset.
The New Definition of Friendship
I learned that friendship doesn’t have to mean a lifelong bond or daily phone calls. It can be smaller, lighter, beautifully simple.
Sometimes, a “friend” is your yoga buddy who makes you laugh during downward dog.
Or your neighbor who walks at the same time every morning.
Or the woman you meet once a month for wine, whose conversation somehow always makes the world feel brighter.
When you open yourself up to these smaller connections, something magical happens: you start to feel part of the world again. The pressure melts away. You stop hunting for the one—the perfect new best friend—and instead start collecting the many: friendly faces, kind words, easy moments that stitch community back into your life.
Where to Find “New-Style” Friends
They’re not hiding—you just have to look in the right places.
Classes & Hobbies
Sign up for that cooking class or pottery workshop. Join a walking group or wine tasting. When you’re doing something you already enjoy, conversation happens naturally. There’s a whole new world of in-person experiences out there because people are craving real connection again.
Community Spaces
Coffee shops, libraries and farmers’ markets are full of people open to small talk. One question — “Have you tried this place before?” — can start something real.
Events & Experiences
Art shows, lectures, concerts — people go not just to watch, but to share. You’re surrounded by others who are curious too.
Volunteering
Nothing builds connection faster than working side by side for something that matters. You show up as your best self — and so do they.
Everyday Life
We overlook the repetition in our days as an opportunity. When I first moved here, I walked my dog at the same time as a few neighbors. Those random encounters turned into planned meetups — “See you around five?” became coffee and then friendship.
Will you meet your new bestie doing these things? Maybe. Maybe not. But filling the different slots in your life with new humans can bring you back to life in ways you didn’t expect.
The Overlooked Opportunity: Intergenerational Friendship
Don’t underestimate the power of connecting across ages. There are countless younger people who share your interests and who are genuinely curious about your experience. You might bond over business, art, or hobbies and learn a ton from each other. It’s one of the most rewarding, revitalizing kinds of friendships there is.
How to Start Without Feeling Awkward
We’ve all lost that muscle for striking up conversation, but it’s easier than it feels.
Start small. Offer a compliment. Ask a simple question.
Be consistent. Real friendship builds in repetition — the book club, the craft class, the Tuesday yoga session.
And most importantly, drop the pressure.
Not every connection is meant to last forever. Some people are meant to share a moment, not a lifetime — and that’s still valuable.
Friendship doesn’t have to be all-or-nothing. Sometimes it’s someone you share a laugh with on your daily walk or the couple who wave when they see you at the wine bar.
The point isn’t permanence — it’s connection.
When you let go of what friendship should look like, the world starts to feel a lot less lonely. You stop waiting for the right person to appear and realize that, little by little, you’re already surrounded by exactly who you need.