Bar Seating 101: Where to Sit, Where to Look, and What to Do With Your Hands When You’re Alone

One of the most honest questions women ask about going out alone is also the one they feel most embarrassed to admit:

“What do I do with myself when I’m alone at a bar?”

Where do I sit?
Where do I look?
What do I do with my hands so I don’t feel awkward?

First, let’s remove the pressure. There is no test. No one is evaluating your performance. You are not failing at being alone in public.

Where you sit matters more than people realize. If you want to feel grounded and blend into the space, the bar itself is almost always the better choice over a table. Tables tend to suggest waiting—waiting for someone to arrive, waiting for something to happen. Sitting at the bar communicates intention. You’re there because you chose to be.

If you want minimal interaction, sitting near the end of the bar usually offers more privacy and less foot traffic. If you’re open to light conversation without commitment, sitting one seat away from others or closer to the bartender works well. And if the seat you chose doesn’t feel right, moving is not a failure. It’s confidence. You are allowed to adjust.

The next question—where to look—is the one that makes women the most self-conscious. A woman commented on one of my posts that she didn’t know where to rest her gaze and felt exposed because of it.

Here’s the truth: you don’t need to manage your eye contact like it’s a performance. You can look around the room. You can watch the bartender work. You can glance at the television without actually caring what’s on. You can look at your drink. All of this is normal. And the key is to just stop overthinking it. Do what comes naturally.

What matters more than where you look is how you move. Slow, unhurried movements read as comfort. Quick, darting glances read as nerves. And contrary to what we’ve been taught, it is perfectly fine to look neutral—or even a little bored. Bored often reads as confident. Desperation reads as busy.

Hands are the other giveaway. They communicate far more than facial expressions. One hand on your drink and the other resting on the bar is usually enough. Folding your hands loosely, stirring your cocktail or simply letting them be still all work.

What doesn’t help is gripping your phone like a life raft or fidgeting constantly. Using your phone briefly is fine. Using it as armor is not.

If you want conversation, it doesn’t require a performance. Sitting near the bartender, making brief eye contact and offering a single smile is enough. If you don’t want conversation, limiting eye contact, and angling your body slightly away sends a clear and polite signal.

The hardest part of going out alone is almost always the first five minutes. That’s when your brain insists that everyone is watching and judging. They aren’t. Most people are far too busy thinking about themselves.

The real goal isn’t to look confident. It’s to stop monitoring yourself altogether. When you stop worrying about where to sit, where to look, and what to do with your hands, you’ve already crossed the threshold.

You’re not performing independence.
You’re simply a woman at a bar.

And that is enough.

Get my free guides specifically written for women going out solo!

The Confident Woman’s Guide to Going Out Alone After 50
8 Places Every Woman Should Go Solo Over 60